Funny moment

As a music teacher and a product of a parent who said this often, I adore this!

I wanna go home

Today I'm feeling homesick. The End.

To be caught

Sometimes I think when it comes to dating, I am an easy catch. Other times I think not so much. While I sometimes show interest readily, other times I hold back. When discussing this with a friend recently they said don't pull away because it's hard because things take work. Yes that i true. And I believe any relationship needs that to grow and become better. I am not pulling away because of the work though. I pull away typically because of my own fears. It's hard to leave your heart on that unpredictable line.
I am fairly open and willing to give anyone a chance in any kind of relationship whether it be friendship or romantic. But as soon as I feel that bit of openness has been violated or not shared, I will pull. Sometimes I think I may pull too early but I guess that's what makes me human after all.
My dear friend Kirsti said that was what she loved most about me when we first met. She felt that I was warm, open and loving. She said she just wanted to be around me more for that reason. I take that as a huge compliment as that is the person I try to be to everyone! Maybe that's why she and I worked so well because we could see the best in each other. No judging just love.

Thin lines

It has occurred to me recently that there is a thin line between flirting enough to give encouragement to the pursuer and being an unpleasant person. With that line sometimes being thinner and thicker depending on the person and situation. The thing is sometimes it doesn't matter how much you do thing or don't do it may not be perceived the way you intend it to the receiver.
However, when things go right that line of flirting is so fun. It is so refreshing to find someone to chat with and ramble on about seemingly unimportant things. It is so nice to look forward to that call. To find a person that just talking to them even though there are lulls in a conversation just makes a day a bit brighter.
Yet if that is one sided does it matter.
The hard thing is expressing interest as well without being overly zealous. Interest is sometimes just that. That person is fascinating and beyond that who knows. I believe that to be the fundamental problem with dating at present. Dating and interest become scary and far to serious too fast. And by serious I mean they lose their spontaneity.
There is a gentleman in my ward here in Virginia whom I regard in a high manner. He is someone I have had in the past interest in. I have interest elsewhere as of now and have mainly given up on the likelihood of this guy making a move. Point being, he is great but as I've thought of him a few months ago I realized why he hasn't dated anyone since I've known him. And why other guys I know haven't.
In our "adult" phase of careers, of being practical, and of being conservative people as we are, we forgot about the pointless hours and hours long conversations until 3 AM. We forgot about the "forget the stuff we have to do" and let's go do something together to get to know each other. We became adults.
Do you know what 18 and 21 year olds have figured out that we have not? They forgot the heartache potential and put themselves out there. They said I don't know if this will work but I don't know if it won't so might as well try.
Okay in reality they didn't think that at all they just didn't think but that's kinda my point. We as adults, my friends and I, are too practical and in regards to love, practicality may not be the best approach.

Not sure how I got there from thin lines between trying to show interest and being over bearing but there you go. :)

Peter Pan Trailer

I realize this may be shocking ha ha but I absolutely love Peter Pan!!!

Paths again?

Apparently I'm on a pathway kick because this was something I wrote in church a few weeks ago.

The Path
The pathway leads me
Where is it going?
If I choose the high road will it make all the difference?
But what difference will it make?

The path just ahead contains a slight bend.

The path I just walked is full of all sorts of things.

It is an interesting path.
The journey has twists, turns and bends.
The story continues and with every step I get stronger;
Yet I sometimes feel I am only getting weaker.

Can I stay the course?
The path is interesting, full of beauty.
I enjoy the journey.
Although I wonder if my legs can keep going.
The beauty is sustaining,

Keep walking the journey continues on ahead!

Paths

Wandering journey down an endless trail,
with paths at every turn beckoning my weary soles.
Which path should I take for the next opportunity or adventure?
Only time will tell as I take a step into the direction of my dreams and those that lie undiscovered just beyond my sight.

I'll figure out later how to save these and edit the ones on the side but for now I just want these saved as they are quality.
http://lickthebowlgood.blogspot.com/2011/03/best-ive-ever-had.html
http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/p/recipe-index.html

pastrykate.blogspot.com
ishouldhavebeenaprincess.blogspot.com

Smoking

Here's a thought. I find smoking strange. Maybe that's because I was raised mostly in Utah and Idaho with a little in Indiana. But I was in Indiana from the ages of 10 to 14 years old so it was a significant portion of time to see the world outside my bubble. Maybe so either way maybe I just forgot what outside that bubble is like. Regardless, it has been proven many times that smoking is nothing but harmful. It is not attractive to the eyes or senses. Yet I see it regularly. I recently went to NYC for the first time in years. I was kind of astounded by the fact that as educated as we are in the sciences and such that there were still that many people choosing something so obviously potent.
Then as I walked into the National Archives building, I walked past a woman who I have walked by many times in the past. She looks nice but also like she belongs in how I categorize many of the career people in the archives. It is a breeding ground for the the most awkward in society people. There is the middle aged woman who wears mismatched blouses and elastic skirts that absolutely don't fit or the woman who is so scared to look up at you but has finally started looking and smiling when I smile at her as I walk by on my way to the lockers. I'm pretty sure people ignored her for much of her life which makes me really sad.
Regardless, the other woman first mentioned looked nice but as awkward as the others. Then I saw her outside lighting up a few days ago. As I walked past her, I saw deep dark circles that I swear weren't there before I saw the cigarette. She looked so sad in that moment.
I may be addicted to chocolate but other than harming my waistline, it isn't utterly destroying my health. I am sad for those people who have an addition they can't control and are influenced by other people and unable to quit. I don't think many of them really want to but many lack the conviction and ability to quit and for those I feel sadness. (But I feel unhappiness for those that smoke in my face they choose knowing they could do something about it. -- And there is my soapbox. :))

Ready ready

Okay that last post while I said I was addressing Bekah in the beginnng, I didn't really as I went on. My thoughts were too jumbled. As I look back as well, only half of it makes sense to what I was thinking-- again suppose that makes sense with the thoughts I'm sorting but still.
Regardless I have many many thoughts as of lately so the historywendy blog may just step it up a notch if you stay tuned. ;)
Like for instance look forward to my opinion on smoking, Times Square standing in the middle of the crowd for hours, wandering Central Park alone, finding out that oh drat I'm too good at being alone lately... sometimes there are boys you don't talk about -- for a reason, not the positive reason...
Oh and there are more thoughts so take that world -- I'm back!

Rolling around in my head

Hi Bekah :)
Yes I kinda feel like you, Rebekah Marsh might be the only one who may actually read this -- if you actually do. For that reason I guess I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with you skipping reading this as this is really just a jumbling up of thoughts rolling in my head that I need to process this morning and can't seem to adequately. For that reason, I logged onto my blog and started writing to find some clarity.

For the moment this is a view of my life. I'm living out of my car more or less. I'm feeling completely unmotivated for half the day and frustrated. I'm fighting with myself constantly to remind myself I want to be a happy, self motivated ambitious, strong, intelligent person. I want to be better about getting up in the morning, getting going and being productive. Ugh. I want to love everyone and for everyone to love me. Yes I realize that's not logical but that was mostly how life was up until now. And the struggles with people were little struggles not big and buggie.
I just want a few friends to include me in their things. I hear and see pictures all the time of people hanging out. I want to hang out. I call and ask people what they are up to and they say they are busy or they tell me about the dinner party they had last weekend. Lovely. :S I would plan things but I can't seem to gather a few friends to plan things with that I feel stable enough with. I would plan things but I'm kinda living out of my car so kind have to invite myself or not go so since I don't get invited by them, I can't get involved so I go to Safeway after work to check in on facebook because I dislike being at home that much.

I'm staying a little with a friend downtown right now but I feel like a burden. I don't like feeling like a burden.

I want to get a better job but I feel like if I stay here I will become hard, less sensitive, and lose some of that tenderness that is me. Sometimes I think I need to lose some of that. I am attracted to that kind of thing but it's just not me. But it is exciting. I want to be a school teacher. That's my greatest life ambition. I am excited I have a plan for that now! But that plan involves Utah and I'm not ready to go back yet am I? What do I do in the mean time? I have options I'm just not sure which option to take.

The End :)

Judge a Man By the Woman

Yet another song I wanted to remember. And frankly I like the video. I want to be that kind of woman for a man someday. And yes I totally support Mitt and Ann. :)

I've got to say first yes, I did enjoy the movie Letters to Juliet. Secondly though, I am not that obsessed with it that I posted 3 movies about it. Those posted songs were about the lyrics in the songs. The question that can haunt you with "what if." The "you've got me" and I just really liked the "find me" song. They all just coincidentally lead me one to another from first watching the beginning of that movie and well it's a good soundtrack. The end. :)

Letters to Juliet - You got me - Colbie Caillat -16:9 widescreen HD

K Kinda loving this song. Kinda thinking someday I will wish I could remember it so I posted it. :)

Sophie/Charlie~Find Me {Letters To Juliet}

What If - Colbie Caillat

Kirsti Luba Collins

My dear friends birthday is today. I hope she knows what a gem she is in my life. She is one of those people that once she becomes a part of your world you are better. When she is around she brings with her a desire to make one a better person, a courage to stand up for yourself, the resolve not to wallow in self doubt or pity. She is the kind of friend that says its safe to be open and honest with me and I will still accept your friendship. She is the person that when she calls at midnight and says meet me at this place now that I quickly put shoes on and jump in my car. I go not because I fear her rebuke but because I enjoy her company that much! She doesn't like her birthday and hopes that the day passes by without pomp and circumstance yet I had to at least write her a little note to tell her how thankful I am for her. I am so thankful she was born. I am thankful for her and the unique gentle person she is. Without her the world would be different and for that I am so glad she is here and here now as my friend. Happy birthday dear friend! I'll write you a little note in a very unpublic blog and hope that today and other days you remember how amazing you are!

Wendy

Car Searching

Cars are like people it is true.
Maybe that's why I've had such a hard time finding my new one.
The thing is the cost of repairs outweighed the total value of the car.
I decided it was time to find a new car.
I haven't yet found a car at the right price and mileage I've felt good about so my search continues.
Makes me think of my continued search for a spouse.
My anticipation is that I will fall in love with him and the value of said husband will remain higher than the cost of "repairs." :) Teehee. It was a funny thought at the time as my coworker and I talked about it.
I hope my car search ends sooner than the spouse search but then again the expected commitment and life expectancy of the car verses the spouse are very different matters after all.

1 year in VA

One year ago I arrived in VA. One year ago I set out on a journey to change myself, to change my life and to become better with every step. I knew at the time that staying where I was would not be where I would be able to succeed and unfortunately at the time I realized it would take the entire country to help me make the changes.
Have I succeeded?
This has been quite a year for me. It has been full of laughter, tears, friends, memories, heartbreak, joys. It was most definitely not how I imagined it would be but then again how did I really imagine it would be? There was no comprehension into what lay ahead of me when I put my foot to the accelerator and started out across the wide expanse of pavement to get to my new address.
There have been people in my life that have come so clearly a part of it that I can no longer imagine life without knowing them. It is amazingly true that you learn from each and every person who you encounter in life. If you let them they will touch your life and hopefully that touch will be for your own good. As we know though, we have the agency to control how we receive that touch regardless of how they throw it out there. I'm still working on that part of interpretations in life. :)
A year in Virginia.
Now the question remains -- will I stay and if so for how long?

Forget -Me-Not

Today and tonight before the General Relief Society session, I was thinking again about how I tend to be a slightly "forgotten" person. Somehow I seem to be overlooked more than it seems others. My sister says it's just me but in a conversation with Kirsti a few weeks ago I was able to quite adequately prove that I am often overlooked. She couldn't disagree why I would feel that and have that concern.
Anyway the talk tonight by Elder Uchtdorf was fantastic of course about the things we should remember in life.
But as I thought about those flowers, I was thinking this:

Forget - me - Not when I go away.
will you remember me another day.
I may not always be here but I hope I left a mark.
I tried to show you love in many ways.
My intentions were good though they may have been misunderstood.
Forget me not as I pass by your way.

If my path moves another direction will you ever stop to wonder where I went?
Will I be forgotten as the sands of time in your life?
Have I done any good in your life?

If I go to Heaven tomorrow forget me not.
Know that I cared and I tried to make the world a better place.
I constantly hoped for happiness, beauty and joy.
I hoped for new friends, for sunrises and sunsets.
My hope is that you will forget me not.