Judge a Man By the Woman

Yet another song I wanted to remember. And frankly I like the video. I want to be that kind of woman for a man someday. And yes I totally support Mitt and Ann. :)

I've got to say first yes, I did enjoy the movie Letters to Juliet. Secondly though, I am not that obsessed with it that I posted 3 movies about it. Those posted songs were about the lyrics in the songs. The question that can haunt you with "what if." The "you've got me" and I just really liked the "find me" song. They all just coincidentally lead me one to another from first watching the beginning of that movie and well it's a good soundtrack. The end. :)

Letters to Juliet - You got me - Colbie Caillat -16:9 widescreen HD

K Kinda loving this song. Kinda thinking someday I will wish I could remember it so I posted it. :)

Sophie/Charlie~Find Me {Letters To Juliet}

What If - Colbie Caillat

Kirsti Luba Collins

My dear friends birthday is today. I hope she knows what a gem she is in my life. She is one of those people that once she becomes a part of your world you are better. When she is around she brings with her a desire to make one a better person, a courage to stand up for yourself, the resolve not to wallow in self doubt or pity. She is the kind of friend that says its safe to be open and honest with me and I will still accept your friendship. She is the person that when she calls at midnight and says meet me at this place now that I quickly put shoes on and jump in my car. I go not because I fear her rebuke but because I enjoy her company that much! She doesn't like her birthday and hopes that the day passes by without pomp and circumstance yet I had to at least write her a little note to tell her how thankful I am for her. I am so thankful she was born. I am thankful for her and the unique gentle person she is. Without her the world would be different and for that I am so glad she is here and here now as my friend. Happy birthday dear friend! I'll write you a little note in a very unpublic blog and hope that today and other days you remember how amazing you are!

Wendy

Car Searching

Cars are like people it is true.
Maybe that's why I've had such a hard time finding my new one.
The thing is the cost of repairs outweighed the total value of the car.
I decided it was time to find a new car.
I haven't yet found a car at the right price and mileage I've felt good about so my search continues.
Makes me think of my continued search for a spouse.
My anticipation is that I will fall in love with him and the value of said husband will remain higher than the cost of "repairs." :) Teehee. It was a funny thought at the time as my coworker and I talked about it.
I hope my car search ends sooner than the spouse search but then again the expected commitment and life expectancy of the car verses the spouse are very different matters after all.

1 year in VA

One year ago I arrived in VA. One year ago I set out on a journey to change myself, to change my life and to become better with every step. I knew at the time that staying where I was would not be where I would be able to succeed and unfortunately at the time I realized it would take the entire country to help me make the changes.
Have I succeeded?
This has been quite a year for me. It has been full of laughter, tears, friends, memories, heartbreak, joys. It was most definitely not how I imagined it would be but then again how did I really imagine it would be? There was no comprehension into what lay ahead of me when I put my foot to the accelerator and started out across the wide expanse of pavement to get to my new address.
There have been people in my life that have come so clearly a part of it that I can no longer imagine life without knowing them. It is amazingly true that you learn from each and every person who you encounter in life. If you let them they will touch your life and hopefully that touch will be for your own good. As we know though, we have the agency to control how we receive that touch regardless of how they throw it out there. I'm still working on that part of interpretations in life. :)
A year in Virginia.
Now the question remains -- will I stay and if so for how long?

Forget -Me-Not

Today and tonight before the General Relief Society session, I was thinking again about how I tend to be a slightly "forgotten" person. Somehow I seem to be overlooked more than it seems others. My sister says it's just me but in a conversation with Kirsti a few weeks ago I was able to quite adequately prove that I am often overlooked. She couldn't disagree why I would feel that and have that concern.
Anyway the talk tonight by Elder Uchtdorf was fantastic of course about the things we should remember in life.
But as I thought about those flowers, I was thinking this:

Forget - me - Not when I go away.
will you remember me another day.
I may not always be here but I hope I left a mark.
I tried to show you love in many ways.
My intentions were good though they may have been misunderstood.
Forget me not as I pass by your way.

If my path moves another direction will you ever stop to wonder where I went?
Will I be forgotten as the sands of time in your life?
Have I done any good in your life?

If I go to Heaven tomorrow forget me not.
Know that I cared and I tried to make the world a better place.
I constantly hoped for happiness, beauty and joy.
I hoped for new friends, for sunrises and sunsets.
My hope is that you will forget me not.

I need to challenge myself in my sugar/treat eating habits. I was doing really good and have fallen behind lately. My current goal which is being publicly written is to have either no or limited to 1 small size candy/treat per day from now April 6th to April 20th. I am giving myself a two week goal and see if I can self motivate with accountability to the blog. :)

Because I Can

*I have been kind of stressing about money lately and yet I went to get my first pedicure yesterday. I was slightly disappointed as well because all she did was paint my toe nails and cut my toe nails which I had happened to do the day before. I was hoping for more massaging kind of treatment. Monica Moore Fish is really the friend who can get me to do anything...

*I ran my first ever 5K race. I ran with Kara Osmonson under the name of her friend Shannon Morrison. Shannon couldn't make it and I know I can run 3 miles so I did. YAY!

*Cherry blossoms in downtown DC. What a beautiful time of year.

I thought I had a few more of these but I can't think of much right now.

*Staunton book fair was 2 weeks ago which was fun!

*Watched General Conference from home in Virginia. Well technically I watched at a friends house but still not at the stake center which is what used to happen.

Trying to find a new job and trying to change careers is difficult to say the least. It is really rather draining on the soul. Roommates being extra picky and trying to set rules for my life because I don't live according to how they want me to is exhausting. Nannying a 1 year old with few toys and who is teething can be boring in the winter. At least I have a happy new dress from last weekend!


However, one thing that can be currently added to a "Because I Can" moment:
Presidents day at Mount Vernon. There were birthday celebrations for dear General Washington and other such festivities. Good times with good friends. :)

More "Because I can" moments to come but the moment thought is:

beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
and I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven
would it be the same
if i saw you in heaven

I must be strong
and carry on
-----------------------------------

Roommates are difficult sometimes and apparently I am the beast of the Earth.

Because I Can

Here's the thought. I was kinda in a canyon sized rut in my life in Utah. I wasn't sure what to do or how to change that. It finally hit me. Move. Change my world. See what else life has to offer. Why? Because I can. I have hit that point in life that of course I would love to be married and have my own children but since fortune hasn't given me that blessing I am opting to do what I can with what I am.
So starts the "because I can" chapter in life.

Because I can:
*I moved across the country with very little "stuff." In fact, if you were to go to my room in my parents home right now (I've just moved 3 weeks ago) you would probably not realize I was gone.
*I went to Annapolis for Martin Luther King Jr Day. I met a new friend and went for a day to walk around and randomly explore whatever. Why not right? It was January so it was cold but worth it.
*In front of the US Naval Academy, instead of just taking a picture of me, I asked two fine Naval boys to join me in my picture. Much improvement!
*I drove on Monday to the Pentagon Mall to walk around.
*On a freezing January day I walked around the Lyndon B. Johnson Memorial Grove.
*I had to find a restroom so I drove around the area (Pentagon) no luck. I saw on the GPS that the Arlington Cemetery Visitors Center was not far so I figured free parking and bathroom. Well wrong on the free parking so I stayed for an hour to read and ponder so I could get my use out of my parking money.
*On my 28th birthday I drove around randomly downtown. I was very much an "out of towner" too. Driving in large cities at lunch time is a mess!


Well that starts my because I can chapter. Stay tuned for more!

"Ready To Love Again" by Lady Antebellum with lyrics

Lady Antebellum - Love Don't Live Here

New song that hit home the other day.
And note on this. My heart is healing just fine but still thought I would share the lines that really stuck out to me.


Stay with Me by Michael McLean

Every story has an ending
Even when it can't be told
and every broken heart starts mending
when it finds shelter from the cold

i heard a window always opens when the doors have all been closed
and though i know it's true, i need my light to see me through
and Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers
stay with me it's a lonely thing to suffer
tell me how the heartache i feel now will go away
someday

maybe we just might find the answers that will carry me like an awkward dancer on a crowded floor i learn to dance once more someday if you just stay.

no one ever can be certain what another day will bring
so dim the lights and raise the curtain
the cast is waiting in the wings
love goes on and on forever
though deep down inside i know
i'll have you back (love and a relationship) again
i'll still be lonely until then
oh Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers

I am not sure if anybody is actually still reading this so I will say here what I won't say in the more public forum of Facebook. But at the moment I have to say, my heart got hurt recently. That's okay because if it didn't get hurt that would mean that I didn't really care or try hard enough. I tried. I put my best efforts into the relationship I was having and I honestly believe he put his best efforts in too. I also believe that the current state of the relationship isn't working and since we aren't currently committed I can save my heart more aching. :) It's just too hard to go back in time and reverse the course.
So lyrics often make me feel better and when I find a song that is particularly applicable well I must share. Actually there have been a few lately but this one is the most fitting cause it's the one that makes me feel stronger which I want to feel again!


Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up

Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4 (I-15 to Vegas!)
Baby what did you expect me to do
Just sit around and wait on you

I'd lost the game I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart.

Caterpillar or Butterfly?

“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

Thoughts:
Do I have what it takes yet again to be a butterfly?
I find myself hoping to be a butterfly
But with the tossing of life's winds I fear the caterpillar inside.
I think I have devolved yet again to my caterpillar state
The time has come for me to wrap my cocoon,
To see yet again how far I can stretch my wings,
And become again as the butterfly in the breeze.



"I would rather have the wings of a butterfly than the heart of a lion. Why?
The butterfly is thrown around by the smallest breeze, yet it keeps going.
The butterfly may have many fears; being swept away by the wind may be one, yet it still flys, taking to sky like a fearless bird."
"Whereas the lion will go about it's business proudly, ignoring all but iself and it's prey. While the lion's heart is full of courage, true courage is only shown in a moment of fear and the lion has next to nothing to fear."

My heart thoughts:

My Heart:
I want so much to give it out,
To hand it over freely.
My protections are so high
It seems easier to keep it safe.
To truly love you must let go
And hope the feeling returns.
I am not sure if my heart can take,
Opening up much more.
The one thing I want more than anything
Evades me once again.
I have to wonder
Is it because I won't let others in?
I keep it safe and things seem good,
Then when I start growing more attached,
The feeling of heartache feels hauntingly near.