I need to challenge myself in my sugar/treat eating habits. I was doing really good and have fallen behind lately. My current goal which is being publicly written is to have either no or limited to 1 small size candy/treat per day from now April 6th to April 20th. I am giving myself a two week goal and see if I can self motivate with accountability to the blog. :)

Because I Can

*I have been kind of stressing about money lately and yet I went to get my first pedicure yesterday. I was slightly disappointed as well because all she did was paint my toe nails and cut my toe nails which I had happened to do the day before. I was hoping for more massaging kind of treatment. Monica Moore Fish is really the friend who can get me to do anything...

*I ran my first ever 5K race. I ran with Kara Osmonson under the name of her friend Shannon Morrison. Shannon couldn't make it and I know I can run 3 miles so I did. YAY!

*Cherry blossoms in downtown DC. What a beautiful time of year.

I thought I had a few more of these but I can't think of much right now.

*Staunton book fair was 2 weeks ago which was fun!

*Watched General Conference from home in Virginia. Well technically I watched at a friends house but still not at the stake center which is what used to happen.

Trying to find a new job and trying to change careers is difficult to say the least. It is really rather draining on the soul. Roommates being extra picky and trying to set rules for my life because I don't live according to how they want me to is exhausting. Nannying a 1 year old with few toys and who is teething can be boring in the winter. At least I have a happy new dress from last weekend!


However, one thing that can be currently added to a "Because I Can" moment:
Presidents day at Mount Vernon. There were birthday celebrations for dear General Washington and other such festivities. Good times with good friends. :)

More "Because I can" moments to come but the moment thought is:

beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
and I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven
would it be the same
if i saw you in heaven

I must be strong
and carry on
-----------------------------------

Roommates are difficult sometimes and apparently I am the beast of the Earth.

Because I Can

Here's the thought. I was kinda in a canyon sized rut in my life in Utah. I wasn't sure what to do or how to change that. It finally hit me. Move. Change my world. See what else life has to offer. Why? Because I can. I have hit that point in life that of course I would love to be married and have my own children but since fortune hasn't given me that blessing I am opting to do what I can with what I am.
So starts the "because I can" chapter in life.

Because I can:
*I moved across the country with very little "stuff." In fact, if you were to go to my room in my parents home right now (I've just moved 3 weeks ago) you would probably not realize I was gone.
*I went to Annapolis for Martin Luther King Jr Day. I met a new friend and went for a day to walk around and randomly explore whatever. Why not right? It was January so it was cold but worth it.
*In front of the US Naval Academy, instead of just taking a picture of me, I asked two fine Naval boys to join me in my picture. Much improvement!
*I drove on Monday to the Pentagon Mall to walk around.
*On a freezing January day I walked around the Lyndon B. Johnson Memorial Grove.
*I had to find a restroom so I drove around the area (Pentagon) no luck. I saw on the GPS that the Arlington Cemetery Visitors Center was not far so I figured free parking and bathroom. Well wrong on the free parking so I stayed for an hour to read and ponder so I could get my use out of my parking money.
*On my 28th birthday I drove around randomly downtown. I was very much an "out of towner" too. Driving in large cities at lunch time is a mess!


Well that starts my because I can chapter. Stay tuned for more!

"Ready To Love Again" by Lady Antebellum with lyrics

Lady Antebellum - Love Don't Live Here

New song that hit home the other day.
And note on this. My heart is healing just fine but still thought I would share the lines that really stuck out to me.


Stay with Me by Michael McLean

Every story has an ending
Even when it can't be told
and every broken heart starts mending
when it finds shelter from the cold

i heard a window always opens when the doors have all been closed
and though i know it's true, i need my light to see me through
and Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers
stay with me it's a lonely thing to suffer
tell me how the heartache i feel now will go away
someday

maybe we just might find the answers that will carry me like an awkward dancer on a crowded floor i learn to dance once more someday if you just stay.

no one ever can be certain what another day will bring
so dim the lights and raise the curtain
the cast is waiting in the wings
love goes on and on forever
though deep down inside i know
i'll have you back (love and a relationship) again
i'll still be lonely until then
oh Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers

I am not sure if anybody is actually still reading this so I will say here what I won't say in the more public forum of Facebook. But at the moment I have to say, my heart got hurt recently. That's okay because if it didn't get hurt that would mean that I didn't really care or try hard enough. I tried. I put my best efforts into the relationship I was having and I honestly believe he put his best efforts in too. I also believe that the current state of the relationship isn't working and since we aren't currently committed I can save my heart more aching. :) It's just too hard to go back in time and reverse the course.
So lyrics often make me feel better and when I find a song that is particularly applicable well I must share. Actually there have been a few lately but this one is the most fitting cause it's the one that makes me feel stronger which I want to feel again!


Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up

Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4 (I-15 to Vegas!)
Baby what did you expect me to do
Just sit around and wait on you

I'd lost the game I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart.

Caterpillar or Butterfly?

“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

Thoughts:
Do I have what it takes yet again to be a butterfly?
I find myself hoping to be a butterfly
But with the tossing of life's winds I fear the caterpillar inside.
I think I have devolved yet again to my caterpillar state
The time has come for me to wrap my cocoon,
To see yet again how far I can stretch my wings,
And become again as the butterfly in the breeze.



"I would rather have the wings of a butterfly than the heart of a lion. Why?
The butterfly is thrown around by the smallest breeze, yet it keeps going.
The butterfly may have many fears; being swept away by the wind may be one, yet it still flys, taking to sky like a fearless bird."
"Whereas the lion will go about it's business proudly, ignoring all but iself and it's prey. While the lion's heart is full of courage, true courage is only shown in a moment of fear and the lion has next to nothing to fear."

My heart thoughts:

My Heart:
I want so much to give it out,
To hand it over freely.
My protections are so high
It seems easier to keep it safe.
To truly love you must let go
And hope the feeling returns.
I am not sure if my heart can take,
Opening up much more.
The one thing I want more than anything
Evades me once again.
I have to wonder
Is it because I won't let others in?
I keep it safe and things seem good,
Then when I start growing more attached,
The feeling of heartache feels hauntingly near.

I think I am a bit too good at protecting my heart. The good thing is that I am strong and able because of this. The bad thing is that when I open up I tend to get more defensive and scared and therefore push away those that I am trying to open my heart to. Isn't it fun having quirks? :P


Scared of having my heartache.
The pain it causes and the feelings that flow.
Why does it have to be so attached to my emotions?

When will I be able to open up?
Will there be someone patient enough for my quirk?

My heart has been broken,
I have survived so why does that feeling scare me so?
I made it through heartache before
So I know I can do it again.
Yet my defenses seem to be getting stronger.

I have an old friend who would laugh
As he thought my defenses were high way back when.
Am I growing and getting better with time or
Do my fears direct me where the faith should be leading?

What am I to do except learn and keep trying,
To get better and stronger with each experience!

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

Most Recent Learning Experience

Remember my post (I think it was the last one here) that said next time don't take a trip to visit friends instead take at least 1 friend with you. I was wrong and now stand corrected. Don't travel with friends or at least old roommates. It has now been about 6 weeks since my return from the cruise trip. I e-mailed the total of shared expenses to my travel mate who sent a reply saying her records don't match mine. I don't know what records she has cause I have every receipt and the bank statements. She hasn't yet responded to my latest inquires regarding our miscommunication on amounts so I am currently out $392 dollars. Sucks to be me right? Ha ha lesson learned - never be kind and pay it forward hoping a friend will return it. Blah why do I bother? Next trip just me! Ha ha maybe? Yeah I doubt it too.... til next time :)

Almost a year ago Chicago

Almost a year ago, I went to Milwaukee and Chicago to visit Sheila and Monica. It was a fun trip but turned out not exactly how I would have planned it. Due to circumstances beyond any or all of our control, I was left to my own devices on the Saturday of my trip. I started the day downtown Chicago.
While being alone in a big city at times can really frighten me, it can also be a day of adventures even if I am completely alone. I went to the Barnes and Nobles or Borders, don't know don't care which... and found the travel section. I picked up my pen and paper from my purse - I always have writing accessories on hand that's just me. I decided a few places I would like to go even if I didn't fully attend by paying fees as that can get really expensive and simply not as much fun to ooh and aah alone. My main focus, the Hancock Towers which was across town from my present location.
Off I went to walk there knowing I had technically all day to get there. I spent the day enjoying the buildings, taking time to observe, and window shopping here and there at boutiques. I stopped to eat at a Bistro that I heard some ladies say was voted best Bistro in Chicago. I ended up making it to Chicago by almost dark which was surprising by how few blocks it technically was between my destinations.
The reason I express this in my blog is that I was just thinking about the lesson I learned that day. I was so sad in the beginning of the day when the world seemed to fall apart and I was left, after traveling across the country to see my best friends, alone. I was so alone but I have been other times in my life. Some times it seems being alone is easier to handle and other times being alone seems really hard. I cried in the beginning of my walk then learned to enjoy it and make the best of it but in the end when I felt backed up again, I cried once again almost alienating my only ally in the city.
What did I learn? I wrote this that day. "I have learned a valuable lesson on this trip. I am completely capable and fine on my own. :) I do however enjoy people around more than being just me."
I would rather share my experiences with people but if forced to I am able to handle myself just fine all by myself. I don't need my friends to carry me or buoy me up. I need the Gospel and my Savior by my side.

HAPPY 4TH of JULY

I have to add this also, HAPPY 4th of July!
God Bless America, Land that I Love!
I am so thankful to be living in a country that is free based on our merits! We have fought to defend this land because it is worth defending and it is a beautiful strong place. I am thankful to be living here today!

Follow Up

So I sounded a bit grrr about not being married the other day when I wrote and decided to follow up. The bitter moment only lasted a moment so that's good (except that it comes and goes a lot but often quickly leaves -what can you do).
New thought today from The Five Love Languages of Singles: Love (and he is talking about the language of love used in every human interaction) is [where] requests are more likely to be honored. Responding to a sincere request is also an expression of love. It is doing something for the benefit of the person making the request. Reciprocal love is the fabric of which lasting friendships are made.
Friendships are cultivated and strengthened when we choose to speak each other's primary love language.

Marriage

"The supreme purpose of marriage is the union of a man and woman at the deepest possible level and in all areas of life, which in turn brings the greatest possible sense of fulfillment to the couple and at the same time serves best the purpose of God for their lives." -- Gary Chapman from The Five Love Languages for Singles

Get this - I'm single. Apparently I'm having a moment - sarcastic or sobbish or blah or why... who really knows right now but I'm in the mood to share my thoughts. :)

Here is a thought for ya, I read the books: Getting Serious About Getting Married, The Five Love Languages for Singles..., I go to the firesides and read the talks. Generally, I do pretty well about getting out there and meeting new people so that I'm not hiding in my hole hoping the right guy will just some how miraculously find me, I'm trying to help him. I'm happy, confident, educated,.... and not bad looking dang it.
SO what am I don't wrong and why can't I find my companion? Where is someone that I will love and that will love me in return that will build a relationship with me and then continue to work on it with me to sustain it throughout our lives as we have a family, own a home, have jobs, ..... Why can't any relationship I enter into ever just feel right for both of us - me and him a the same time?
I'm sure everybody has an opinion because everybody has a reason for me:
"oh you will find someone don't worry,"
"You are too hard on these guys, cut them some slack"
"Don't create things, cut him off, you are too willing to put up with things"
(yes you see a problem with the people I talk to already...)
"When you find him it will all just feel so right that's how it was with me and ____" (Oh shut up)

I'm 26 and when a coworker, father, walked by at work he said, "you guys act like being single at 26 is like having the plague or something." Sometimes I feel like I do have the plague. Everybody has a solution for me, advice on what I should do.
Yes, I don't want to continue to repeat the same things over and over because obviously that hasn't been successful in the past yet, sometimes the "oh don't worry you will find someone" gets really REALLY annoying and makes me want to hit you. If you say this to me and I hit you just know that you have been warned :)

Well that's the thought for the moment and yes I hope for comments and of course your advice.

Oh My Goodness I sound so bitter right now- I should work on that...

Just thinking

So I was just looking at my info page. It said I have 2 people who check my blog so for those 2 I am going to write some thoughts. :) Life is good! I had a giggle attack today at work because I started listening to some big band music which I haven't heard in a while and it made me feel silly. Gotta love moments like that eh?
I am trying to decide if I should create a blog for my piano students and parents as an open forum of communication. I can give advice and tips. Parents can help other parents with advice and tips. However, there could be some resisters and I am worried about constructive criticism because certain things should not be public in my opinion. I also wondered how people would post or if they could post without having the e-mail it was created with and password. Otherwise I have to create a just for piano e-mail but can't use it because they could then use it also...
What are your opinions or feedback on this?

Yes yes I know I don't update this often but I'll work on it! But for good measure I thought I would add this. There is a picture I saw with a cute little kid. The kid's shirt said, "My parents are exhausted." Super cute and funny too me and I know all too true! :)