I am not sure if anybody is actually still reading this so I will say here what I won't say in the more public forum of Facebook. But at the moment I have to say, my heart got hurt recently. That's okay because if it didn't get hurt that would mean that I didn't really care or try hard enough. I tried. I put my best efforts into the relationship I was having and I honestly believe he put his best efforts in too. I also believe that the current state of the relationship isn't working and since we aren't currently committed I can save my heart more aching. :) It's just too hard to go back in time and reverse the course.
So lyrics often make me feel better and when I find a song that is particularly applicable well I must share. Actually there have been a few lately but this one is the most fitting cause it's the one that makes me feel stronger which I want to feel again!


Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up

Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4 (I-15 to Vegas!)
Baby what did you expect me to do
Just sit around and wait on you

I'd lost the game I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart.

Caterpillar or Butterfly?

“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

Thoughts:
Do I have what it takes yet again to be a butterfly?
I find myself hoping to be a butterfly
But with the tossing of life's winds I fear the caterpillar inside.
I think I have devolved yet again to my caterpillar state
The time has come for me to wrap my cocoon,
To see yet again how far I can stretch my wings,
And become again as the butterfly in the breeze.



"I would rather have the wings of a butterfly than the heart of a lion. Why?
The butterfly is thrown around by the smallest breeze, yet it keeps going.
The butterfly may have many fears; being swept away by the wind may be one, yet it still flys, taking to sky like a fearless bird."
"Whereas the lion will go about it's business proudly, ignoring all but iself and it's prey. While the lion's heart is full of courage, true courage is only shown in a moment of fear and the lion has next to nothing to fear."