Saturday, September 11, 2010
Monday, September 06, 2010
New song that hit home the other day.
And note on this. My heart is healing just fine but still thought I would share the lines that really stuck out to me.
Stay with Me by Michael McLean
Every story has an ending
Even when it can't be told
and every broken heart starts mending
when it finds shelter from the cold
i heard a window always opens when the doors have all been closed
and though i know it's true, i need my light to see me through
and Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers
stay with me it's a lonely thing to suffer
tell me how the heartache i feel now will go away
someday
maybe we just might find the answers that will carry me like an awkward dancer on a crowded floor i learn to dance once more someday if you just stay.
no one ever can be certain what another day will bring
so dim the lights and raise the curtain
the cast is waiting in the wings
love goes on and on forever
though deep down inside i know
i'll have you back (love and a relationship) again
i'll still be lonely until then
oh Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers
And note on this. My heart is healing just fine but still thought I would share the lines that really stuck out to me.
Stay with Me by Michael McLean
Every story has an ending
Even when it can't be told
and every broken heart starts mending
when it finds shelter from the cold
i heard a window always opens when the doors have all been closed
and though i know it's true, i need my light to see me through
and Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers
stay with me it's a lonely thing to suffer
tell me how the heartache i feel now will go away
someday
maybe we just might find the answers that will carry me like an awkward dancer on a crowded floor i learn to dance once more someday if you just stay.
no one ever can be certain what another day will bring
so dim the lights and raise the curtain
the cast is waiting in the wings
love goes on and on forever
though deep down inside i know
i'll have you back (love and a relationship) again
i'll still be lonely until then
oh Lord I need you to stay with me
just until my heart recovers
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I am not sure if anybody is actually still reading this so I will say here what I won't say in the more public forum of Facebook. But at the moment I have to say, my heart got hurt recently. That's okay because if it didn't get hurt that would mean that I didn't really care or try hard enough. I tried. I put my best efforts into the relationship I was having and I honestly believe he put his best efforts in too. I also believe that the current state of the relationship isn't working and since we aren't currently committed I can save my heart more aching. :) It's just too hard to go back in time and reverse the course.
So lyrics often make me feel better and when I find a song that is particularly applicable well I must share. Actually there have been a few lately but this one is the most fitting cause it's the one that makes me feel stronger which I want to feel again!
Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up
Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye
You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4 (I-15 to Vegas!)
Baby what did you expect me to do
Just sit around and wait on you
I'd lost the game I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart.
So lyrics often make me feel better and when I find a song that is particularly applicable well I must share. Actually there have been a few lately but this one is the most fitting cause it's the one that makes me feel stronger which I want to feel again!
Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up
Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye
You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4 (I-15 to Vegas!)
Baby what did you expect me to do
Just sit around and wait on you
I'd lost the game I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Caterpillar or Butterfly?
“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
Thoughts:
Do I have what it takes yet again to be a butterfly?
I find myself hoping to be a butterfly
But with the tossing of life's winds I fear the caterpillar inside.
I think I have devolved yet again to my caterpillar state
The time has come for me to wrap my cocoon,
To see yet again how far I can stretch my wings,
And become again as the butterfly in the breeze.
"I would rather have the wings of a butterfly than the heart of a lion. Why?
The butterfly is thrown around by the smallest breeze, yet it keeps going.
The butterfly may have many fears; being swept away by the wind may be one, yet it still flys, taking to sky like a fearless bird."
"Whereas the lion will go about it's business proudly, ignoring all but iself and it's prey. While the lion's heart is full of courage, true courage is only shown in a moment of fear and the lion has next to nothing to fear."
Thoughts:
Do I have what it takes yet again to be a butterfly?
I find myself hoping to be a butterfly
But with the tossing of life's winds I fear the caterpillar inside.
I think I have devolved yet again to my caterpillar state
The time has come for me to wrap my cocoon,
To see yet again how far I can stretch my wings,
And become again as the butterfly in the breeze.
"I would rather have the wings of a butterfly than the heart of a lion. Why?
The butterfly is thrown around by the smallest breeze, yet it keeps going.
The butterfly may have many fears; being swept away by the wind may be one, yet it still flys, taking to sky like a fearless bird."
"Whereas the lion will go about it's business proudly, ignoring all but iself and it's prey. While the lion's heart is full of courage, true courage is only shown in a moment of fear and the lion has next to nothing to fear."
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
My heart thoughts:
My Heart:
I want so much to give it out,
To hand it over freely.
My protections are so high
It seems easier to keep it safe.
To truly love you must let go
And hope the feeling returns.
I am not sure if my heart can take,
Opening up much more.
The one thing I want more than anything
Evades me once again.
I have to wonder
Is it because I won't let others in?
I keep it safe and things seem good,
Then when I start growing more attached,
The feeling of heartache feels hauntingly near.
I want so much to give it out,
To hand it over freely.
My protections are so high
It seems easier to keep it safe.
To truly love you must let go
And hope the feeling returns.
I am not sure if my heart can take,
Opening up much more.
The one thing I want more than anything
Evades me once again.
I have to wonder
Is it because I won't let others in?
I keep it safe and things seem good,
Then when I start growing more attached,
The feeling of heartache feels hauntingly near.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
I think I am a bit too good at protecting my heart. The good thing is that I am strong and able because of this. The bad thing is that when I open up I tend to get more defensive and scared and therefore push away those that I am trying to open my heart to. Isn't it fun having quirks? :P
Scared of having my heartache.
The pain it causes and the feelings that flow.
Why does it have to be so attached to my emotions?
When will I be able to open up?
Will there be someone patient enough for my quirk?
My heart has been broken,
I have survived so why does that feeling scare me so?
I made it through heartache before
So I know I can do it again.
Yet my defenses seem to be getting stronger.
I have an old friend who would laugh
As he thought my defenses were high way back when.
Am I growing and getting better with time or
Do my fears direct me where the faith should be leading?
What am I to do except learn and keep trying,
To get better and stronger with each experience!
Scared of having my heartache.
The pain it causes and the feelings that flow.
Why does it have to be so attached to my emotions?
When will I be able to open up?
Will there be someone patient enough for my quirk?
My heart has been broken,
I have survived so why does that feeling scare me so?
I made it through heartache before
So I know I can do it again.
Yet my defenses seem to be getting stronger.
I have an old friend who would laugh
As he thought my defenses were high way back when.
Am I growing and getting better with time or
Do my fears direct me where the faith should be leading?
What am I to do except learn and keep trying,
To get better and stronger with each experience!
Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Most Recent Learning Experience
Remember my post (I think it was the last one here) that said next time don't take a trip to visit friends instead take at least 1 friend with you. I was wrong and now stand corrected. Don't travel with friends or at least old roommates. It has now been about 6 weeks since my return from the cruise trip. I e-mailed the total of shared expenses to my travel mate who sent a reply saying her records don't match mine. I don't know what records she has cause I have every receipt and the bank statements. She hasn't yet responded to my latest inquires regarding our miscommunication on amounts so I am currently out $392 dollars. Sucks to be me right? Ha ha lesson learned - never be kind and pay it forward hoping a friend will return it. Blah why do I bother? Next trip just me! Ha ha maybe? Yeah I doubt it too.... til next time :)
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